Friday, December 31, 2010

Blog readers like Lingerie Football clothing malfunctions, funny porn lists

Tech-media-tainment continued to be a catch-all blog for posts on pop culture, entertainment, technology and news media. But a few topics resonated way more with readers than others in 2010.
Far and away the most popular subject on Tech-media-tainment is wardrobe malfunctions in the Lingerie Football League. TMT has become the Web’s leading curator of LFL nip slips and butt flashes. (See photos above and below.)
Mom would not be proud.
The second most popular subject on Tech-media-tainment is porn. My posts have included lists of porn movies based on public figures or real-life events and the funniest porn parody movie titles, but no actual pornography. This site is safe for work.
Once again, sorry, Mom.
The third most popular subject on Tech-media-tainment in the past year was cats, an Internet staple. In this case, it was my tongue-in-cheek articles on the top cat names Apple hasn’t used yet for its Mac OS X software releases.
Tech-media-tainment hosted about 32,000 visitors in 2010 and served up more than 65,000 page views. The biggest single day was Dec. 4 with 1,245 page views.
What follows is a list of the 20 most popular posts on Tech-media-tainment in 2010, as ranked by unique visits by Google Analytics.

Top 20 posts on Tech-media-tainment in 2010:
  1. Lingerie Football nip slips and bare asses – a.k.a. wardrobe malfunctions (Oct. 28, 2010)
  2. First Lingerie Football League game gives fans a wardrobe malfunction (Sept. 5, 2009)
  3. Lingerie Football wardrobe malfunctions just part of the game (Sept. 16, 2010)
  4. Curating Lingerie Football League wardrobe malfunction photos (Nov. 21, 2010)
  5. Top 20 porn movies based on real-life events or public figures, such as Tiger Woods, Sarah Palin (June 3, 2010)
  6. My scene with porn star Raven Alexis (Jan. 11, 2010)
  7. Top 10 cat names Apple hasn’t used yet for its Mac software (Aug. 26, 2009)
  8. Top 25 best porn parody movie titles (April 29, 2010)
  9. Horny artists like to sex up Disney, fairy tale art (Dec. 20, 2009)
  10. Top 30 funniest Christmas porn movie titles (Dec. 7, 2010)
  11. Microsoft meets ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ (Nov. 22, 2009)
  12. Top 10 Mac OS X names Apple hasn’t used yet (Oct. 20, 2010)
  13. Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2010 another winner; Airs Nov. 30 on CBS (Nov. 11, 2010)
  14. ‘The Wizard of Oz’ by Annie Leibovitz (Oct. 13, 2010)
  15. ‘The 800-pound gorilla in the room’ is probably more like 400 pounds (Sept. 11, 2009)
  16. Sugar Stacks: Graphically shows you how much sugar you eat (Aug. 29, 2009)
  17. I Am Bored: A collection of funny, weird and amazing photos and videos (Nov. 14, 2009)
  18. Top 10 oddest professional sports (Oct. 3, 2010)
  19. Attention Wal-Mart shoppers: People are laughing at you (Sept. 3, 2009)
  20. Arizona ‘mancation’: Part 1 – Desert drive and the Bagdad copper mine (March 29, 2010)


Seattle Mist quarterback Laurel Creel almost gets tackled by her bra in an Oct. 22, 2010, Lingerie Football League game against the San Diego Seduction. (Photo by Nathan Rupert.)

In the Sept. 24, 2010, LFL game between the Orlando Fantasy and Tampa Breeze, Orlando quarterback Veronica Moor slipped a nip, but was wearing a pasty. (Photo via Very Special Girls blog.)

10 interesting 2011 predictions

After curating a list of the boldest 2011 tech industry predictions for, I decided to compile a list of the most interesting 2011 predictions on other topics.
Yesterday I posted the prediction that pies will be a big food craze next year.
Here are some other predictions (some nutty, some rational) from across the World Wide Web.

1. More UFOs in 2011

We can “expect more and more unexplained phenomenon with the earth’s atmosphere in 2011 including meteorites, undiscovered anomalies, and strange behavior of the sun and yes, even UFOs,” said Alison Baughman, a professional numerologist. She’s conveniently vague, of course.

2. Strong earthquake in Iran

A strong earthquake in Iran will victimize thousands, says Mohamed Faroun, a self-proclaimed Egyptian astrologer.
Numerologist Baughman sees an “increased trend” in earthquakes next year and is particularly concerned about the Gulf of California.

3. Barack Obama falls ill

U.S. President Barack Obama “will have a health problem or/and an unexpected accident,” Faroun predicts.

4. Big year for IPOs

Next year could be a big one for initial public offerings, according to the New York Times and Inc. magazine. Possible tech IPOs in 2011 include Facebook, Groupon, LinkedIn, Pandora, Skype, Zynga and Zipcar.

5. Jennifer Aniston meets her soul mate, maybe

“Friends” star and tabloid regular Jennifer Aniston will meet her soul mate “in the next two years,” psychic Ron Bard tells Wonderwall. Plus, towards the fourth quarter of 2011, she will be shooting a movie that “will be up for an Academy Award.” Costume design perhaps? I wish these psychics would be more specific.

6. Social unrest in the U.S. over the economy

Angry demonstrations over the economy will be staged in many major U.S. cities, says Bruce Krasting of Zero Hedge. Some of the demonstrations will turn violent, he predicts. “The frustration that was evident in France in recent years will come to the US,” he writes.

7. Volt bombs, Dreamliner parked

GM’s plug-in hybrid electric car, the Chevy Volt, will not sell well, Krasting forecasts. Boeing will be unable to complete a single Dreamliner aircraft, he adds. GM will trade below $30 a share and Boeing will hit the low $50s. (GM closed today at 36.86 and Boeing at 65.26.)

8. E-book growth skyrockets

Digital books, or e-books, will hit 20% market share by the end of 2011, predicts Richard MacManus on ReadWriteWeb. E-books made up 9.03% of total consumer book sales in 2010, compared with 3.31% in 2009, according to the Association of American Publishers. E-book growth will rocket in 2011, thanks to cheap e-readers and an e-book price war among, Barnes & Noble and others, he says. MacManus expects one in five books sold in 2011 will be e-books.

9. People will make a great fuss about 11/11/11

Numerologists will make a big deal out of Nov. 11, 2011, says John Derbyshire of the National Review Online.

10. Discovery Communications and Scripps Networks will merge

The Daily Beast predicts that the two pure-play cable network companies will merge rather than be acquired by media giants.
The website also predicts that Google will buy a movie studio or film library and that Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz will be fired.

Making year-ahead predictions is a fool’s errand. Check out AOL’s list of the 10 worst predictions for 2010.
Of the 14 predictions for 2010 that I curated last year from various sources, only one was spot on. (Apple unveiled a tablet computer, but that one was a no-brainer. It was widely expected.) Others were partially correct. (Tesla Motors went public, but not LinkedIn and Zipcar; Palm was acquired, but by HP, not Microsoft or Research In Motion.) Most were dead wrong.

Hot 2011 prediction: Pies are the new cupcakes

Two cultural experts are predicting that pie will become the latest food craze in the New Year.
As a pie lover, I couldn’t be happier.
Restaurant and hotel consulting firm Andrew Freeman & Company picked the pie trend as its No. 1 prediction for the year.
“Move over cupcake, make way for pie, as pies in all sizes move from the State Fair to seriously craveable fare,” the firm said. “Decadence is endless with everything from, savory, sweet, individual deep-fried pies, bite-sized minis and even pies blended into shakes.”
As examples, it cited Pie Happy Hour at Hill Country Chicken in New York City and the signature pies at the Buttercup Grill & Bar, at multiple locations in California.
Marian Salzman, president of Euro RSCG Worldwide PR, North America, put pies on her Hot 100 list for 2010, calling them “the new cupcakes.”
The folks at Movieline are ahead of the curve, posting a trio of Star Wars-inspired pies. (See above photo.)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

My favorite Christmas gift ever

The best Christmas gift I received as a child was a butterfly collecting kit when I was in the third grade and living in Roseville, Minn., in 1971.
It came with a mounting kit and a couple of exotic specimens ready for display.
I’ve always loved butterflies and moths – their beauty, variety and mystery. As a young boy, I studied them and caught them in yards and fields in and near our home.
Now I wouldn’t think to harm a butterfly. They’re wonderful creatures and nature would be better off with more of them. But as a 9-year-old boy I didn’t yet appreciate that butterflies are a limited resource.
A year or so ago, I asked my Mom to recall the gifts that were popular with boys and girls in the 1960s and 1970s when my siblings and I were growing up.
She said the hot items for her kids were Hot Wheels toy cars, Big Wheels, Barbies with all the accessories, Chatty Kathy, Mrs. Beasley, Baby Alive, Easy Bake Oven, Hula Hoops, ant farms and butterfly collections.
Times have certainly changed.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Hustler takes the lead in porn parodies of politicians and celebrities

Hustler isn’t done sticking it to Sarah Palin (in more ways than one).
The adult film studio has already made six X-rated parodies about the former Alaska governor and 2008 Republican vice presidential candidate.
Up next is “Who’s Nailin’ Palin No. 2.” So far, the fictional Palin has had sex with actors portraying President Barack Obama and late night talk-show host David Letterman, among others.
One movie that’s not coming is “Tiger’s Nailin’ Palin.”
Last January, Hustler announced that title in its 2010-11 lineup. But the studio lost interest after Tiger Woods, the sex scandal-plagued pro golfer, was the subject of three other porn movies.
What Hustler does have in the works is a porn parody of day-time talk show diva Oprah Winfrey. Oprah may deny being a lesbian but the parody film will portray her as one with her best friend Gayle. It’s slated for release on Jan. 25.
“Normally girl-on-girl action would get most people excited,” wrote blog F Listed. But “I think it’s safe to say this probably has the opposite effect.”
Luckily for viewers, Hustler didn’t cast a lookalike in the role of Oprah. Instead they chose the lovely Misty Stone. (See above photo.)
I spoke to Michael H. Klein, president of Hustler, last week about the trend of porn movies based on public figures. Most recently Hustler did an X-rated movie based on pop singer Miley Cyrus.
Here’s an edited transcript:

TMT: Will Hustler be doing many more porn parodies of public figures?

Klein: We certainly explore them and look for what could be a good, humorous parody on somebody.
When you put yourself in the spotlight, whether it’s being a celebrity or a politician, you leave yourself open for someone to parody you, whether it’s by “Saturday Night Live” or Hustler in one of our videos.
It’s all done in fun and jest. But we’ll continue to keep exploring to see if there are other ones that make sense.

TMT: Do they sell well?

Klein: They do very well. Obviously there’s publicity built in with them already. So word gets out and there are always people who are interested.
Besides being an adult film, it’s also humorous because it’s a parody of a known celebrity.

TMT: Will you continue doing the Sarah Palin parodies?

Klein: Oh, yes. We have plans to continue to do more of them. The ‘Who’s Nailin’ Palin’ series has done extremely well for us.
We’re actually in production on another one – “Who’s Nailin’ Palin No. 2.” And beyond that we’re always exploring.
We’ve made the announcement already about the “Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories: Oprah.” That will be our next big one coming out soon.

TMT: What happened to “Tiger’s Nailin’ Palin,” which was announced earlier this year?

Klein: We just never did that one. There were plenty of other adult studios that did parodies on the Tiger Woods situation, so we just figured it’s already been done and doesn’t make sense to have another one out there.

TMT: Are there other politicians that you think are ripe for porn parody treatment?

Klein: There’s plenty, but we haven’t made our decision yet on which one. But fortunately a lot of politicians do a number of things that make it very easy for us to come up with a story line.

TMT: Are you getting more comfortable doing these parodies of real-life people?
I noticed that with the first Sarah Palin parody you spelled her name “Paylin” with a “y,” but in later movies used the correct spelling.
Also, in years past, there were thinly veiled parodies of President Bill Clinton by other adult studios, but his name wasn’t used.
Have things changed?

Klein: As long as it’s a public figure and you make it clear that it’s a parody, it goes back to the (legal) case that (Hustler publisher) Larry (Flynt) had against Jerry Falwell.
That was a case where Larry was very successful in the Supreme Court and, as such, we will follow those same guidelines.

TMT: How quickly can you produce one of these films?

Klein: It all depends on how elaborate a production it is.
You can get one done in two or three weeks or it could be a number of months when you do an elaborate 3-D production like we did with “This Ain’t Avatar.” That was one of our most expensive productions to date.

TMT: How many films does Hustler make a year?

Klein: We release anywhere from five to eight movies a month. We do anywhere from one to two parodies a month.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Porn movies based on public figures: A trend showing no signs of fading

When pop music star Miley Cyrus turned 18, Hustler Video celebrated the occasion with an X-rated parody about the celebrity.
The adult studio released the movie “Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories: Miley Cyrus’ 18th Birthday” on Dec. 14.
In real-life, Miley has been photographed flashing her privates, smoking a bong, dressing like a tramp and staggering around drunk. In the parody film, according to online summaries, she services all three Jonas Brothers (referred to as the “Johnson Brothers”).
How can Hustler get away with this?
Because Cyrus is a public figure and the film is clearly identified as a parody.
“This is a parody movie featuring a fantasized version of a young, well-known celebrity singer and performer,” a disclaimer reads. The movie “is not to be taken seriously, and does not depict actual events in any of their lives.”
Hustler, founded by Larry Flynt, is known for pushing the boundaries of the First Amendment and freedom of speech.
In 1988, Flynt won an important U.S. Supreme Court decision, Hustler Magazine v. Falwell, after being sued by the Rev. Jerry Falwell in 1983 over an offensive ad parody in Hustler that suggested that Falwell’s first sexual encounter was with his mother in an out-house. Falwell sued Flynt, citing emotional distress caused by the ad. The decision clarified that public figures cannot recover damages for “intentional infliction of emotional distress” based on parodies, according to Wikipedia.
It’s not surprising then that Hustler is leading the current trend of X-rated movies parodying celebrities and public figures.
Hustler has made recent movies parodying politicians (one-time Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, President Barack Obama and disgraced New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer) and celebrities (Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, etc.).
But Hustler isn’t alone in the trend. Vivid Entertainment is planning X-rated spoofs of Elvis Presley, the Beatles and the Rat Pack for 2011. Up first is “Elvis XXX: A Porn Parody,” due out Jan. 8.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

How to tackle a Lingerie Football League player

What’s the best way to tackle a player in the Lingerie Football League?
Judging from the photographic evidence, I’d say it’s pulling down her panties.
When a woman is playing football in just her underwear, there’s not a lot to grab hold of.
As a public service to sports fans and perverts, Tech-media-tainment already has published five photos of LFL players getting tackled by the seat of their panties. (See here, here and here.)
Readers of this blog from Italy have alerted me to six more photos of LFL players getting pantsed. (Who knew the LFL and Tech-media-tainment had fans in Italy?)
The website Very Special Girls praised Tech-media-tainment’s tireless coverage of LFL wardrobe malfunctions. Blogger Lisa Tacchi wrote that I was a writer “che ha fatto un ottimo lavoro di collezione di ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ della LFL.”
Translated from Italian to English by Google, she says I’ve done a “great job” of collecting LFL wardrobe malfunction photos.
Thanks, Lisa, and you’ve done pretty well yourself.

Photos from Very Special Girls blog:

Top photo: Baltimore Charm quarterback Samantha Allen pulls her panties back on after a tackle in the Nov. 18, 2010, game against the Miami Caliente.

Above: Tampa Breeze defensive lineman Saige Steimetz grabs Orlando Fantasy running back Quiana Welch by the panties on Sept. 24, 2010.

A Dallas Desire player gets her panties in a bunch against the Denver Dream on Sept. 25, 2009. Very Special Girls blog identifies the ball handler as Shannon A’se (DE) and the panty-grabber as Shannon Martin (RB). Photo by Patrick Michels. (Click photo for larger view.)

Seattle Mist running back Lindsey Blaine gets her panties grabbed while making a touchdown against the San Diego Seduction on Sept. 11, 2009.

Los Angeles Temptation linebacker Michelle Jacot tries to pull down Denver Dream quarterback Rebecca Main by the panties in a game on Sept. 18, 2009.

New York Majesty quarterback Kristal Gray tries to escape Philadelphia Passion player Ashley Deihl by the seat of her panties on Oct. 30, 2009.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

EW lists 3 reasons why Bon Jovi deserves the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; here’s 1 more

Best rock album cover ever.
The original cover of Bon Jovi’s “Slippery When Wet” (1986) album is one of the most memorable album covers of all time. The fact that it was replaced at the last minute and released only in Japan just adds to its appeal.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame snubbed Bon Jovi on Wednesday when it picked its latest inductees – Alice Cooper, Neil Diamond, Dr. John, Darlene Love and Tom Waits – from 15 nominees.
Entertainment Weekly’s came to Bon Jovi’s defense. It cited three reasons why the band should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame:

1. “Livin’ on a Prayer” is an awesome song.
2. Their big hair and clothes from their ’80s heyday.
3. They were the No. 1 worldwide touring act in 2010, a feat the band achieved in two of the last three years.

To that I add my No. 4 reason above.
Tracks from “Slippery When Wet” include “You Give Love A Bad Name,” “Wanted Dead or Alive” and the aforementioned “Livin’ on a Prayer.”
The album originally was going to feature a busty, 34DD woman in a wet yellow t-shirt with the album name on the front of the shirt, according to Wikipedia. But it was swapped out for a dull cover consisting of a wet black garbage bag with the words “Slippery When Wet” traced in the water.
Poor choice.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Health group sues McDonald’s; Restaurant chain responds with: 'Burgers Rule!'

It practically never happens in the newspaper business. But with online news, different rules apply.
Yahoo ran an Associated Press story today about a health group suing McDonald’s to stop the restaurant chain from marketing to children. Alongside the reader comments to the story was a bright red McDonald’s ad blaring “Burgers Rule.” The ad showed a video of hungry patrons gobbling hamburgers and encouraged viewers to “See more big, bold, beefy truths” on its website.
In the newspaper business, editors work to ensure that ads do not run near stories about those advertisers. They want to avoid conflicts of interest and upsetting ad buyers. In the online world, computers place ads next to stories on the same subjects automatically.
So anyone who was hungry while reading the McDonald’s lawsuit story got a suggestion to eat a Big Mac or Quarter Pounder. Yum!

Photos: McDonald’s ad referenced above (top); screenshot of Yahoo news page (click for larger view).

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

TSA – target of satirists everywhere

The Transportation Security Administration has become the much-deserved target of American anger and complaints lately.
And because art reflects life, humorists have lambasted the TSA in essays, drawings, music and videos. On sister website One Stop Video, I've posted the Top 10 funniest TSA videos of the moment. Above is the cover art for a fake children's book called "My First Cavity Search."

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Copyright cops overreach again

This should be the golden age of public discourse.
With the Internet and new media tools at nearly everyone’s disposal, people are able to report and comment on the actions of government, big business and others in real-time and make an impact.
Take the backlash against the Transportation Security Administration. Security procedures at the nation’s airports have become draconian in the years since the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Because U.S. government leaders don’t want to offend minority groups by backing common-sense profiling measures, they are treating everyone like suspected criminals at the country’s airports.
Average Americans are fighting back with camcorders and digital cameras showing TSA agents subjecting senior citizens and children to strip searches and invasive pat-downs. They’re writing satirical songs and essays and creating other works that have spread virally on the Internet.
All of which brings me to the case of Iowahawk blogger David Burge and musician Scott Hill of Temecula, Calif.
Burge wrote the lyrics to a funny TSA parody song called “Comply With Me,” which is set to the music of the Frank Sinatra hit “Come Fly With Me.” Hill put the song to music and did a humorous video, which he posted on YouTube.
I enjoyed the video a lot and planned to include it in a list of funny TSA parody videos.
When I watched it again this weekend, the audio was gone.
The YouTube posting now carries a notice about the audio takedown. It reads: “NOTICE: This video contains an audio track that has not been authorized by Warner Chappell. The audio has been disabled.” It then provides a link to YouTube’s copyright rules.
YouTube should not have taken down the audio, because it falls under the “fair use” exemption to copyright law. “Fair use” allows an individual to reproduce a protected work for purposes of comment, criticism, education and parody. This was clearly a work of parody designed to make a statement on the federal government. It’s a transformative, noncommercial adaptation that does not devalue the original song.
I encourage Burge and Hill to appeal YouTube’s audio takedown on those grounds for the sake of all U.S. citizens wanting to express themselves.
I’m sick of all the useless and demeaning security procedures at our nation’s airports. I hate having to take off my shoes for the screening machines and remembering to pack liquids in checked luggage only.
The TSA agents confiscated a sealed $10 bottle of Caribbean hot sauce from my recent trip to the U.S. Virgin Islands and dumped it in the garbage can right in front of me. What a waste. Like so much perfume, shaving cream, soft drinks and baby formula, the TSA is filling our landfills with perfectly good products that aren’t a threat to anyone.
Works of parody like “Comply With Me” can spread feelings of public discontent as much or more than angry letters to your congressman.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Halls of fame update: Tech, toys, robots, rock and roll, and hip hop music

Lots of goings-on with halls of fame lately.
As a fan of the concept, I track news associated with halls of fame, especially those involving entertainment and technology.
Here’s a summary of the activity:

IT Hall of Fame

Information technology trade group CompTIA is starting the IT Hall of Fame to honor the industry’s top business leaders and innovators.
The new virtual shrine will build on the legacy of an earlier hall of fame established by industry publication CRN, CompTIA said today.
Honorees from the CRN Industry Hall of Fame will be grandfathered into CompTIA’s new IT Hall of Fame, according to IBD’s tech blog Click. They include Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer of Microsoft, William Hewlett and Dave Packard of Hewlett-Packard, Steve Jobs of Apple, and Andy Grove of Intel.
CRN hasn’t chosen any new inductees for its Industry Hall of Fame since 2007.
At the very least, CompTIA needs to create a website that provides details on all the honorees and their accomplishments. CRN doesn’t have one.

National Toy Hall of Fame

The National Toy Hall of Fame at the Strong museum in Rochester, N.Y., on Nov. 4 inducted two new toys – playing cards and Hasbro’s The Game of Life board game.
The two honorees were selected from among 12 toy finalists that included: Cabbage Patch Kids, chess, dollhouse, dominoes, Dungeons & Dragons, Hot Wheels, Lite Brite, Magic 8 Ball, pogo stick, and Rubik’s Cube.

Robot Hall of Fame

The Robot Hall of Fame was supposed to induct two fictional robots and three real robots this year. But organizers canceled the induction ceremony because of a lack of funding, according to IBD’s tech blog Click.
The 2010 class of inductees was to include the T-800 Terminator, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 1984 movie “The Terminator,” and Huey, Dewey and Louie from the 1971 science-fiction film “Silent Running.”
The real-world robots honored were the DaVinci Medical Robot System from Intuitive Surgical, the Roomba vacuum cleaner from iRobot, and NASA’s Mars rovers Spirit and Opportunity.
The Carnegie Mellon School of Computer Science created the Robot Hall of Fame in 2003 to honor both real-world robotic achievements and fictional robots that have inspired countless scientists.
Inductees are enshrined at a permanent robotics exhibit called Roboworld at the Carnegie Science Center in Pittsburgh.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame will announce its 2011 inductees on Dec. 15.
Fifteen nominees are in the running this year including Alice Cooper, Beastie Boys, Bon Jovi, Neil Diamond, J. Geils Band and Tom Waits. The winners will be enshrined at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio.

Hip Hop Hall of Fame

The Hip Hop Hall of Fame Awards is teaming with Hip Hop Pioneers to relaunch the Official Hip Hop Hall of Fame Awards Induction Ceremony & Concert Television Show.
The show is scheduled for taping on April 28. It will be the first broadcast of the Hip Hop Hall of Fame Awards Show since it aired in national syndication and on the BET Cable Network in the ’90s.
Organizers also are hoping to build a Hip Hop Hall of Fame museum in New York City.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Top 30 funniest Christmas porn movie titles

Nothing’s sacred in the porn industry, not even a cherished religious and family holiday like Christmas.
The adult film industry has made dozens of Christmas-themed porn movies over the years, according to the Internet Adult Film Database and Adult DVD Empire. Many of these movies, judging by their synopses, portray Santa Claus and even Mrs. Claus and their elves as sex-crazed fiends.
So in the spirit of the holidays – and a desire to drive traffic to Tech-media-tainment – here are the top 30 or so funniest Christmas porn movie titles:

All I Want For Christmas Is a Gang Bang (1994)
All I Want For Christmas Is a Teen (2008)
Barely Legal Bitch that Stole Christmas (2008)
Christmas Carol (1993)
Christmas Cums Early (1997)
Deck the Teens (2008)
Dirty Santa (2008)
Drunk Sex Orgy: Winter Wonderbang (2010)
Frosty the Snow Ho (2008)
Happy Horny Holiday Hos (2006)
Here Cumz Santa (2005)
Ho, Ho, Ho! (2010)
Horny Holiday (2005)
Little Christmas Tail (1991)
Merry X-Miss (1988)
Miracle on 69th Street (2008)
Naughty Or Nice She’s Getting It Twice (2008)
Playing with Mrs. Claus (2007)
Polar Sexpress (2008)
Santa Comes Twice (1984)
Santa Comes Again (1991)
Santa is Coming All Over Town (1996)
Santa is Naughty And Nice (1999)
Santa’s Naughty Helpers (2008)
Santa’s Sexy Helpers (2006)
Santa’s Sluts (2002)
Spanked By Santa (1993)
Silent Night: Hardcore for the Holidays (2006)
Stocking Stuffers (2002)
The Tits that Saved Christmas (2003)
Tranny Claus (2008)
Very Very Bad Santa (2005)
Yo Yo Yo A Very Black Christmas Tale (2005)

Dec. 24, 2016, update. Some bonus titles:

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas ... On My Face (2011)
Ghost of Christmas Ass (2012)
Here's Your Christmas Bonus (2014)
How The Grinch Gaped Christmas (2014)
Santa’s Wankzshop (2016)
Spend X-Mas In My Ass! (2011)

Monday, December 6, 2010

No-see-ums nearly ruin trip to St. John in U.S. Virgin Islands

I spent last week with my family on St. John in the U.S. Virgin Islands.
The island is beautiful. It has gorgeous mountain vistas, stunning beaches and good snorkeling around its coral reefs. But it has something that nearly ruined my visit – tiny biting insects called sand flies or sand fleas. They’re often referred to as no-see-ums because they’re so small you don’t notice them until it’s too late.
At least mosquitoes have the courtesy to buzz around you before they try to suck your blood. No-see-ums are masters of the sneak attack. You don’t see them, you don’t hear them and you don’t feel them bite you. But a short time later you’ll feel the need to scratch your arms and legs. And scratch, and scratch and scratch. The closest thing I can compare the itching to is poison ivy rash.
I had bites all over my legs and arms and a few on my chest after a visit to one beach on the Caneel Bay resort.
Calamine lotion had no effect on the itching. Neither did AfterBite: The Itch Eraser by Tender Corp.
What did work was 1% hydrocortisone cream.
Travel sites in the know warn you to wear insect repellent containing Deet while on the beaches there.
I hate having to cover myself in sunscreen and bug spray to enjoy the tropics, especially when I’m swimming in environmentally sensitive areas like coral reefs. All those chemicals can’t be good for the creatures in the water.
But if you want to enjoy your vacation in the Caribbean, you have to use those products.