Funniest porn parody movie titles

Porn studios have gotten lazy. It used to be that they’d come up with funny movie titles that riffed on popular mainstream movies or TV shows. Now they’re not even bothering to swap in rhyming dirty words to make a clever title.
One studio exemplifies this trend with porn parodies like “Not the Bradys XXX” and “Not Three’s Company XXX” – its take on “The Brady Bunch” and “Three’s Company,” respectively. How uninspired.
Porn parodies are still a big business. Recent news reports say X-rated parodies of “Avatar” and “Glee” are in the works.
A couple of websites have compiled lists of funny porn parody movie titles, including eBaum’s World and AMOG. But from what I can tell they just recycle titles from other websites and haven’t done any fact checking. Upon review, some of the funniest ones were probably just made up.
Here’s a list of my favorite parody titles from actual porn movies:

A Beautiful Behind (A Beautiful Mind)
American Booty (American Beauty)
Beverly Hills 9021-Ho! (Beverly Hills 90210)
Big Trouble In Little Vagina (Big Trouble in Little China)
Bitanic (Titanic)
Breast Side Story (West Side Story)
Buffy the Vampire Layer (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Cheeks & Thong's Up in Stroke (Cheech & Chong's Up in Smoke)
Clockwork Orgy (A Clockwork Orange)
Diddle Her on the Roof (Fiddler on the Roof)
Dun-Her (Ben-Hur)
Forrest Hump (Forrest Gump)
Hung Wankenstein (Young Frankenstein)
I Cream of Jeannie (I Dream of Jeannie)
Inrearendence Day (Independence Day)
Good Will Humping (Good Will Hunting)
Little Shop of Whores (Little Shop of Horrors)
Malcolm XXX (Malcolm X)
Missionary: Impossible (Mission: Impossible)
My Bare Lady (My Fair Lady)
Night of the Giving Head (Night of the Living Dead)
On Golden Blonde (On Golden Pond)
Pubic Enemy (Public Enemy)
Riding Miss Daisy (Driving Miss Daisy)
Romancing the Bone (Romancing the Stone)
Saturday Night Beaver (Saturday Night Fever)
Saving Ryan’s Privates (Saving Private Ryan)
Sheepless in Montana (Sleepless in Seattle)
Snatch Adams (Patch Adams)
Swinging in the Rain (Singing in the Rain)
The Boobyguard (The Bodyguard)
The Da Vinci Load (The Da Vinci Code)
The Da Vinci Load 2: Angels & Semen (Angels & Demons)
The Poonies (The Goonies)
The Porn Identity (The Bourne Identity)
The 69th Sense (The Sixth Sense)
Throbbin’ Hood (Robin Hood)
Tits a Wonderful Life (It’s a Wonderful Life)
Whore of the Rings (The Lord of the Rings)

The following movie titles are too good to be true. These titles are mentioned on websites listing funny porn movie titles, but I can find no evidence these movies exist after checking the Internet Adult Film Database, Adult DVD Empire and elsewhere.

Apocryphal porn parody movie titles:

Add Momma To The Train (Throw Momma From the Train)
Barely Legally Blonde (Legally Blonde)
Cherry Poppins (Mary Poppins)
Eyes Wide Slut (Eyes Wide Shut)
Free My Willy (Free Willy)
Glad He Ate Her (Gladiator)
Lawrence Of A Labia (Lawrence of Arabia)
Ocean’s 11 Inches (Ocean’s 11)
Schindler’s Fist (Schindler’s List)
Sorest Rump (Forrest Gump)
Terms of Enrearment (Terms of Endearment)
The Empire Strikes From The Back (The Empire Strikes Back)
Will He Bonk Ya In The Chocolate Factory (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

Photos:
Breast Side Story
Tits a Wonderful Life
The Poonies

Updated May 21, 2011: Added additional movie titles

My name is Pat and I’m a copyright infringer

Is there a support group for copyright infringers? If not, there ought to be.
Copyright holders are on the warpath lately issuing takedown notices to websites that allow consumers to share content such as videos and photos.
German studio Constantin Films recently ordered YouTube and other video sharing sites to take down a host of funny shorts that used a clip from its film “Downfall.” The scene with Hitler having a temper tantrum has been used in countless Internet memes where editors change the subtitles to reflect some current event. (For more information, check out these articles by TechCrunch and the Open Video Alliance as well as this video on Vimeo.)
A good argument can be made that all of those Hitler parody videos are permissible under the fair use doctrine.
In another case, TechDirt reports that Twitter took down a post by a music blogger because he included a link to a website where people could download a song from a yet-to-be released album. TechDirt argues that Twitter overstepped its bounds.

My notice of infringement

Today I received an e-mail from Yahoo’s Flickr photo-sharing service that it had removed four photos from my collection.
“We have received a Notice of Infringement from Newscom via the Yahoo! Copyright Team and have removed the following photos from your photostream,” the message began. These were four photos taken nearly two years ago at the Nintendo press conference at the 2008 E3 video game conference in Los Angeles. I was at the event and posted my own shots, but they weren’t so hot since I was seated pretty far from the stage. So I supplemented my photos with four shots of Nintendo executives taken by freelance photographer Bob Riha Jr. and distributed by Newscom along with Nintendo’s press releases from the event. I included the full cutline and credit information with the photos.
My Flickr photo collections are for my family and friends to see, but I keep them open because I don’t want my loved ones to have to remember some password to get in. I also don’t add tags to the photos so they aren’t easily searchable.
Yahoo’s copyright goons warned me about further violations.
“Subsequent NOIs filed against your account will result in further action that may include termination without warning,” the message said.
I hope they were talking about terminating my account and not my life.
Not taking any chances, I prompted deleted the photos in question.

Looking back on the Korean War

I recently posted four articles about the Korean War (1950-1953) based on interviews with my father, James A. Seitz. He served in the U.S. Army at a medical aid station near the frontline at the end of the war and into the armistice.
One of the drawbacks to the blog format is that a series of articles such as this is posted in reverse order. To provide better organization for the series (and also to post a few more photos), here is the series as it was meant to be read:

Part 1: Reporting for duty

Part 2: Near the frontline

Part 3: Entertaining the troops (a visit from Marilyn Monroe)

Part 4: Back home

Photos (top to bottom) from James A. Seitz:
James A. Seitz outside officer’s mess hall in South Korea, 1953
Seitz with U.S. Army sign that says “We’ve done so much, for so long, with so little, that now we can do anything with nothing,” South Korea, 1954
South Korean village and rice paddies, 1953
South Korean village main street, 1953

8 things Twitter needs to do to improve service

I’ve been using Twitter for a year as of yesterday. I like the microblogging service for finding interesting weblinks and to offer my two-bits on pop culture, customer service and other things. I also use it to promote my stories at Investors.com and my blog posts on Tech-media-tainment. To date, I’ve posted 967 tweets, many of them retweets of other people’s posts.
It’s a fun service. But honestly if it disappeared tomorrow, I’d just shrug and go on with my life.
That said, here are eight things Twitter needs to do to improve its service:

1. No more fail whales. Twitter needs to improve its system performance and stop the frequent messages about being over capacity.

2. Improve search. I’d like to be able to refine searches, such as searching my own posts or someone else’s or searching by date or location, etc.

3. Fix the funny coding in searches where an apostrophe shows up as a bunch of weird characters.

4. Offer the ability to see what people in any town or zip code are tweeting about, not just trending topics by country or large metropolitan area.

5. Add the ability to retweet from Lists of Twitter users.

6. Fix the “Add your location” feature. It stopped working for me and I can’t add my location any more. I get the error message: “Unable to contact Twitter location service. Try again.”

7. In the Retweets section, Retweets by You hasn’t been working much lately. Fix it.

8. Provide a “mark as read” feature so you only see new posts. I currently use the Favorites star as a bookmark on my main feed and lists. But whatever you do, don’t take away that Favorites star. I’d be lost without it.

Reflecting on the Korean War today

Part 4: Back home

My father, James A. Seitz, returned home from the Korean War in April 1954. He was there for the final four months of the war and stayed nine months following the armistice.
I interviewed my dad about his experiences in the war:

What stands out the most?

I’m just thankful that I survived, because I saw enough deaths and enough suffering. When you lose some people that you’re responsible for that’s pretty heartbreaking. You say to yourself, “Boy, they left their families back home.” It’s not easy.
All three (who died under my command) were single. They were young guys – 18, 19, 21, somewhere in that age range.
When you’re there you’re thinking two things: one, how long am I going to be there and, two, I’ve got to make sure we stay as safe as we can.

Was it a good idea for Americans to get involved in the Korean conflict?

You’d hate to think that a country that’s been invaded can’t be saved.
Was World War II worthwhile? We invaded Europe to drive out the Germans. It all could have been Germany today.
Korea was divided after World War II, because the Japanese took over Korea during the war. The Chinese had been there. They had a North and South Korea anyway. North Korea invaded South Korea to take it all.
North Korea literally took over the country. When America came in, they came in just at the tip of the peninsula and they drove them back.
When I got there it was basically at the line … they had driven that far. And as far as I know there was no intent to drive them any further than that. They agreed to peace but no change in land (after three years of conflict).

Looking back

Nobody ever talked about whether it made sense for the U.S. to be involved, he said.
Seitz spent a little over a year in Korea and endured one winter there.
He wrote letters home every week, but wasn’t able to call from Korea.
He entered the service as a second lieutenant and was promoted to first lieutenant while in Korea. After returning home, he earned the rank of captain while serving in the Medical Service Corps, U.S. Army Reserve.
While in Korea, Seitz bought some china and a red silk robe with a dragon on the back. The robe was ruined by dry cleaners in the states, my mom, Alice, said.
But what about all those letters Dad sent home?
“Your dad wrote to me regularly. I got a letter a week,” my mom said. “There were a lot of letters. And he described in detail what was going on. I kept every one of them in a nice big box.” She had them when they moved from Madison, Wis., to Detroit in the early 1960s.
So what happened to them?
“I burned them,” she said.
Why?
“Because I got mad.”
She calls that action a “very big regret” now. “You go through the rest of your life regretting certain decisions.”

My dad and Marilyn Monroe

Part 3: Entertaining the troops
While serving at a U.S. Army medical aid station in Korea during the Korean War, my father, James A. Seitz, witnessed some pop culture history.
Movie star Marilyn Monroe visited the troops in February 1954 to sing a few songs and entertain the soldiers. Seitz was at the Bulldozer Bowl when the 27-year-old Monroe sashayed onto stage wearing a slinky, plum-colored sequined dress.
“The crowd of fellas there was so excited. They would have done anything she asked them to do,” he said. When she walked out on the stage, the crowd of men just “roared.”
Getting a visit from the gorgeous movie star cheered the spirits of the troops, he said. “She didn’t have to do anything. She just had to walk out on stage practically.”
At one point, Monroe said “come to me” and the soldiers rushed the stage.
Monroe later mingled with the troops. Seitz took a few snapshots like many other servicemen in attendance.
Monroe and baseball great Joe DiMaggio were newlyweds on a trip in Japan, when the bride took a detour to Korea to entertain the troops. She performed 10 shows in four days with the USO, in front of audiences that totaled more than 100,000 servicemen.
The sex symbol later recalled that the trip “was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never felt like a star before in my heart. It was so wonderful to look down and see a fellow smiling at me.”
The temperatures in Korea were bitter cold during the four days Monroe performed, but she said later that she felt only the warmth of the adoring soldiers.
She sang “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend,” “Bye, Bye Baby” and “Do It Again,” interrupting her performance to crack jokes with the soldiers about their fondness for sweater girls. “You fellas are always whistling at sweater girls,” she teased. “Well, take away their sweaters and what have you got?”
She returned to Japan from her exhausting trip with a 104-degree temperature and a slight case of pneumonia. DiMaggio nursed her back to health before the couple continued their honeymoon, touring some of Japan’s smaller villages, according to media reports.
Monroe’s side trip became a point of contention between the newlyweds, who divorced later that year.
“It was so wonderful, Joe. You’ve never heard such cheering,” Marilyn said.
“Yes, I have,” DiMaggio replied.
Marilyn Monroe wasn’t the only notable figure, my father photographed in Korea. He also snapped a few shots of then-Vice President Richard Nixon as he inspected the troops.

Keeping the troops in line

Seitz had one of the most important duties during his time in Korea – He was responsible for distributing beer to the men in uniform.
“The troops drank a lot of beer,” he said. “As an officer I had the responsibility for the distribution of those things. We would divide up what we got and take it to the various units.”
Schlitz was a popular brand of beer, judging from my father’s photos.
The troops drank so many cases of beer that beer cans became a popular roofing material for the locals. (See photo below.)
Sometimes the men had other things on their mind than having a few beers. Once Seitz had to go tent-to-tent tossing out prostitutes.
“We were not too far from Seoul. One night I discovered that one of the Koreans had brought some ladies into the camp,” he said. “So we went from tent to tent throwing out Korean women who were there. Gosh, that was amazing. We never expected anyone to be bringing girls into the camp. They were there to make some money.”

Photos, top to bottom (By James A. Seitz, except where noted):
Marilyn Monroe at the Bulldozer Bowl, Korea, February 1954
Monroe mingles with the troops, Korea, February 1954
Monroe on stage, Korea, February 1954 (Photographer unknown. From the website of Edward Piercy.)
Shipment of Schlitz beer, Korea, 1954
Korean home with beer can roof, 1953
Check out videos of Marilyn Monroe's Korea visit on Google Video and Dailymotion.

Next: Back home

My dad and the Korean War

Most Americans think they know about the Korean War from watching the TV show “M*A*S*H” (1972-1983), which was set there.
But the series was more of an allegory about the Vietnam War, which was in progress when the show began. “M*A*S*H” lasted for 11 years on CBS. (Long enough to see star Alan Alda go from young with dark hair to old and gray.) The actual Korea War lasted three years.
My father, James A. Seitz, served in the U.S. Army in the Korean War in 1953 and the armistice in 1953-54.
“The Korean War: Years of Stalemate” provides a good recounting of the conflict.

Part 2: Near the frontline

James A. Seitz discusses serving at a medical aid station in the Korean War:

The line was maybe 75 miles north of Seoul. It was very mountainous and hilly there. The line was almost along the crest of one of the hills. The aid station was back behind the second row of hills. That’s where I was.
Literally almost a day after I was there, the North Koreans bombarded the frontlines where our people were and then attacked. They came up over the hill and attacked. And we had over 100 people who were injured and shot and many were killed. They all came through the aid station.
They were bombarding with artillery when they attacked so the troops all went underground to escape the attack. Of course, some of them were injured by the artillery. But we had a truckload of Chinese – you can’t call them Koreans because most of them were Chinese – and we threw them in the truck and sent them back. They were dead.
We had over 100 casualties and about 15 dead at that time. We worked from midnight and were still working at 6 o’clock the next morning trying to take care of the wounded. The ambulances came out to our place and loaded them up and took them to the division hospital.
We were in an aid station right on the line. The MASH units were farther back. They were south of us. They had to be in a position so that they could fly helicopters in without being shot at.
We were within two miles of the frontline. We had ambulances to bring in wounded from the line. It was very tough to retrieve the wounded, no question about that. Some of them were brought back in jeeps, whatever they could get a hold of.
What we did there was primary care, make sure we could stop any of the bleeding that was going on, clean ’em up if we could and then send them on to get further treatment.
I supervised.
I supervised privates and a couple of sergeants. They were trained to work in an aid station. They were trained to take care of cleaning up injuries and administering some medication if needed.
I lost three of my men during that time … aides.
They were on the front line and they got killed by the artillery.
That was an eye-opener.
They were on line to support the troops right there. They carried an aid kit that was intended to stop any bleeding that they could.
The thing we feared the most was artillery. They would fire during the day. Of course, you don’t know when it’s coming. All of a sudden, it’s BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! and there are bombs exploding around you. There was no way of knowing when it was coming or anything like that.
All they’re doing is shooting in a general area. We’re behind the hill and they don’t know exactly where we are.
They shot sometimes in the front of the hill because we had people there to watch them and make sure they don’t come up the hill to get anyone.
The hills were barren from the fires. An artillery piece would come in and explode and some of that would start a fire.
It was all ground combat. They had no airplanes. We had air support though. But we didn’t see many airplanes fly over our area.

Where we were living, we had dug into the side of the hill. So where we slept was partially underground. We dug into a hill, so that when we stepped out we were level with the ground but there was a hill behind us.

The fighting was very, very erratic. During that period, I think we only had three or four what you might call assaults. That first assault occurred the first week I was on line. That kind of sets you back.
There were several divisions spread all across the country.

At one point, the South Koreans felt the U.S. needed to protect some mines.
I don’t know what they were mining. But they were digging something. And apparently the government felt we needed to protect them so they wouldn’t be destroyed. We had eight of us who were there.
The people who were living there were very poor. It was really tragic. We would eat Army food, obviously. We had a kitchen and all of that. And in the evening they would come to the gate of our place and beg for whatever food we had left over from our meal. … We gave it all to them.

Next: Entertaining the troops

Photos, from top to bottom, all taken by James A. Seitz 1953-54:
Tanks near the frontline
Convoy of U.S. Army vehicles
Barren hills in the warzone of the Korean War
Sign warning about the Demilitarized Zone ahead
South Korean soldiers man a DMZ checkpoint