Christmas music playlist 2020

Every year, many new Christmas albums and singles get released. But you’d never know about it from traditional radio broadcasts, which play the same songs on repeat.
This year has seen new Christmas music from Meghan Trainor, Carrie Underwood, Goo Goo Dolls, Dolly Parton and more.
I haven’t done a Christmas music list since 2014, so here’s what I’ve been listening to this season:

“Dear Santa” (2014) by Mr Little Jeans
“Santa’s Coming For Us” (2017) by Sia
“Candy Cane Lane” (2017) by Sia
“Make You Mine This Season” (2020) by Tegan and Sara
“Christmas Is Here” (2018) by Kaskade ft. Late Night Alumni
“Last Christmas” (2020) by Meghan Trainor
“Wonderful Christmastime” (2012) by The Shins
“Christmas Without You” (2020) by Ava Max
“The Christmas Song” (2020) by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello
“Make It To Christmas” (2019) by Alessia Cara
“You Make It Feel Like Christmas” (2018) by Gwen Stefani ft. Blake Shelton
“Here This Christmas” (2020) by Gwen Stefani
“Christmas Tree Farm” (2019) by Taylor Swift
“Santa Tell Me” (2014) by Ariana Grande
“One December Night” (2015) by Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo
“Naughty or Nice” (2011) by Cash Cash
“I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day” (2017) by Echosmith

Photo: Cover of Meghan Trainor Christmas album “A Very Trainor Christmas.”

Sia’s ‘Everyday Is Christmas’ is a modern classic

There’s no shortage of new Christmas music every year, but radio stations that specialize in holiday season songs tend to play the same classic tunes over and over.
It’s tough for new Christmas songs to break into the rotation. What new songs do make the mix are usually covers. (Consider “Last Christmas,” which has been remade by Taylor Swift, Jimmy Eat World and the cast of Glee.)
This year has seen new Christmas albums from Sia, Gwen Stefani, Kaskade, Cheap Trick, Fantasia, Hanson and others.
I was surprised to hear Washington, D.C., radio station WASH-FM play Sia’s “Santa’s Coming For Us” this year. It’s the first track on Sia’s new Christmas album “Everyday Is Christmas.”
I learned about the album when I read an article on the star-studded video for the song. I sampled other songs from the album on YouTube and was so taken with the music that I bought the CD.
Sia’s “Everyday Is Christmas” features 10 original songs from the Australian diva and they’re all good. I especially like “Candy Cane Lane” and “Ho Ho Ho.”
It’s clear that Sia loves the holiday and all of its trimmings and trappings. “Everyday Is Christmas” feels like a modern classic. I hope it catches on with audiences.
I think Sia should adapt the album as a jukebox musical-style TV special, perhaps starring her young proxy Maddie Ziegler, the dancer who stars in her music videos and tours with her. Ziegler also is pictured on the cover of the album and in the liner notes.
These days you need something extra to get your music into the public consciousness. That could do the trick.

Worst Christmas song: ‘You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch’

I’ve been listening to a lot of Christmas music lately and I’ve decided that the worst popular holiday song is “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch” from the classic animated special “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”
Yes, it comes from a beloved film that relates to Christmas. But this song is just a non-stop list of insults directed at the Grinch.
No wonder he hated the Whos, if all they did was insult him.
Judge for yourself. Here are the lyrics:

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel!
You’re as cuddly as a cactus
You’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch
Your heart’s an empty hole!
Your brain is full of spiders
You’ve got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch
I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch
You have termites in your smile
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch.
Given the choice between the two of you I’d take the seasick crocodile!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch
You’re a nasty wasty skunk!
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: "Stink! Stank! Stunk!"

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch
You’re the king of sinful sots!
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch
With a nauseous super “naus!”
You’re a crooked dirty jockey, and you drive a crooked horse, Mr. Grinch.
You’re a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich With arsenic sauce! 

Christmas music playlists change at a glacial pace

When it comes to holiday music, people like familiar tunes. New music has a tough time breaking into the Christmas playlists at radio stations and elsewhere, unless they’re remakes.
This year, there was a change at the top of the holiday playlists used by many retail stores during the season, the Daily Mail reported.
After a 20-year run as the No. 1 song, “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey was bumped to second place by “Wonderful Christmastime” by the Shins, according to PlayNetwork. The Shins track from 2012 is a remake of Paul McCarthy’s hit song from 1979.
The American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (ASCAP) has yet to release its annual list of the most-played holiday songs of the year. (Update: Here is ASCAP’s 2015 holiday song list.)
Last year, it skipped the annual list in favor of a list of the top 30 holiday songs of the past 100 years. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” was No. 1 holiday song of the century, ASCAP said.
The last time ASCAP issued a top 10 most-played holiday songs of the year was in 2013. That year, “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” was No. 1. Its ranking considers all versions of a song in aggregate.
The best new holiday song I’ve heard this year is “Dear Santa” (2014) by Mr Little Jeans, aka singer-songwriter Monica Birkenes. Check it out on SoundCloud.
Another notable recent holiday song is “Santa Tell Me” (2014) by Ariana Grande.
The most buzzed-about Christmas album this year is “It’s a Holiday Soul Party” by Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings. Some of those tracks deserve radio airplay.
Unfortunately, that could take a while.

Photos: Mr Little Jeans, aka singer-songwriter Monica Birkenes; and the cover of “It’s a Holiday Soul Party” by Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings.

Why the fixation with birds in the ‘12 Days of Christmas’?

Half of the days in the traditional holiday song “The Twelve Days of Christmas” are devoted to birds. That strikes me as interesting.
In fact, the first four items are birds. “The Twelve Days of Christmas” is an English Christmas carol that recounts a series of increasingly grand gifts given on each of the 12 days of Christmas. The carol dates back to 1780, a Wikipedia article states.
According to the song, the recipient of the gifts would have received one partridge, two turtle doves, three French hens, four calling birds (originally it was “colly birds,” with “colly” being a regional English expression for “black”), six geese and seven swans. That’s 23 birds.
I can only assume that these birds are gifts of food, since they all were commonly eaten back then.

Art: “The Twelve Days of Christmas” song poster by Xavier Romero-Frias.

‘A Holly Jolly Christmas’ is one pervy Christmas song

The Burl Ives song “A Holly Jolly Christmas” is a holiday classic. But there’s one line in it that really bugs me.
The narrator of the tune says someone is waiting for you under the mistletoe and then adds: “Kiss her once for me.”
What the hell does that mean?
I imagine some lecherous old man telling me to kiss my wife or girlfriend once for myself and then once more with feeling for him.
“Hey, honey, this next smooch for a creepy old man I just met.”
Yuck.

Christmas music: a retrospective

Here’s a roundup of my posts on Christmas music on Tech-media-tainment.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

Goofy Christmas songs: A holiday staple (Dec. 23, 2014)

Top 15 best Christmas songs for 2014 (Dec. 18, 2014)

Michael Buble rules the Christmas music airwaves this year (Dec. 23, 2011)

Top 10 Best Christmas Songs for 2009 (Dec. 7, 2009)

Top 10 worst Christmas songs of 2009 (Dec. 6, 2009)

My version of “The Christmas Shoes” (Dec. 22, 2008)

The Little Bucket Boys, a Christmas classic (Dec. 4, 2008)

Top 10 worst Christmas songs (Nov. 22, 2008)

My top 20 favorite Christmas songs (Nov. 19, 2008)

Mommy kissing Santa? No problem. Just keep the gifts coming (Nov. 16, 2008)

It’s beginning to sound a lot like Christmas (Nov. 14, 2008)

Goofy Christmas songs: A holiday staple

Along with traditional Christmas music, the season typically brings a lot of novelty and parody songs.
2014 was no exception.
Here are a few examples.

Chicago Bears fan Phil Guay vented his anger toward the blundering football team in a music video called “A Very Angry Bears Fan Christmas.” (See article on the Huffington Post.)

Las Vegas rock band the Killers teamed up with funnyman Jimmy Kimmel to create a new holiday song and character, “Joel, the Lump of Coal.” (See article on Billboard.)

Jimmy Fallon and Rashida Jones sang a medley of holiday-themed parodies of the year’s biggest songs. (See the YouTube video here.)

Actress Kristen Bell and a cappella group Straight No Chaser teamed up for a humorous modern holiday song called “Text Me Merry Christmas.” (See articles by the Huffington Post and Entertainment Weekly.)

Video blogger Dara Laine did a funny video parodying the holiday classic, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” Her feminist version is called “Baby, It’s Consent Outside.” (See Huffington Post article.)

Actor Christopher Lee released his latest heavy metal Christmas single, “Darkest Carols, Faithful Sing.” (See articles in Entertainment Weekly and Geektyrant.)

Porn channel Television X in the U.K. released a song in a bid to become a Christmas No. 1 record. The song, called “Coming for Christmas,” was sung by a group of porn starlets. (See the music video on YouTube and article on Noisey.)

Top 15 best Christmas songs for 2014

It’s been awhile since I last compiled a list of my favorite Christmas songs. I previously published lists in 2008, 2009 and 2011, so it’s time for a refreshed compilation.
My song choices reflect my personal tastes, of course. So, keep your comments to yourselves, haters.

1. “Underneath The Tree” (2013) by Kelly Clarkson
2. “Last Christmas” (2008) by Taylor Swift
3. “Mary’s Boy Child/Oh My Lord” (1981) by Boney M.
4. “2000 Miles” (1983) by the Pretenders
5. “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” (1963) by Darlene Love
6. “Here Comes Santa Claus (Right Down Santa Claus Lane)” (1957) by Elvis Presley
7. “Sleigh Ride” (1963) by the Ronettes
8. “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” (1992) by Frank Sinatra and Cyndi Lauper
9. “Winter Wonderland” (1983) by the Fabulous Thunderbirds
10. “Carol Of The Bells” (1958) by Percy Faith
11. “Where Are You Christmas” (2000) by Faith Hill
12. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” (1989) by Vince Vance & the Valiants
13. “Do You Hear What I Hear” (2007) by Carrie Underwood
14. “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” (2004) by LeAnn Rimes
15. “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” (2006) by Sarah McLachlan

Let me make a few comments about my selections this year.
Every year during the holiday season in the U.K. there’s a competition on the radio for the most popular new Christmas song. This was a plot point in the modern Christmas movie classic “Love Actually.”
It’s often a novelty song, but sometimes it’s a tune with real staying power. Last year’s runner-up was “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson. It’s a great pop song and should be getting airplay for years to come.
Taylor Swift is having a great year and songs from her Christmas album are in heavy rotation on WASH-FM in Washington, D.C., which is playing non-stop Christmas music.
Her version of “Last Christmas” is a winner. Where the 1984 Wham original used a lot of synthesizers, Swift’s version uses Christmas bells. Plus, the lyrics are perfect for the unlucky-in-love songstress.
I have sweet memories of hearing the Caribbean-infused “Mary’s Boy Child/Oh My Lord” by Boney M. at the airport in the Bahamas on Christmas day a couple of years ago.
I put on this list “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders because it doesn’t get played enough.

Here are my picks from previous years:

2008:

1. “God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings” (2004) by the Barenaked Ladies, featuring Sarah McLachlan
2. “Christmas Canon” (1998) by Trans-Siberian Orchestra
3. “2000 Miles” (1983) by The Pretenders
4. “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” (1958) by Brenda Lee
5. “A Holly Jolly Christmas” (1962) by Burl Ives
6. “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” (1943) by Bing Crosby
7. “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (1944) by Judy Garland
8. “White Christmas” (1947) by Bing Crosby
9. “Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas)” (1950) by Bing Crosby & the Andrews Sisters
10. “Christmas in Killarney” (1951) by Bing Crosby
11. “Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy” (1977) by Bing Crosby & David Bowie
12. “Last Christmas” (1984) by Wham!
13. “All I Want for Christmas Is You” (1994) by Mariah Carey
14. “Our Love Is Like a Holiday” (2001) by Michael Bolton
15. “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” (1987) by U2
16. “Linus & Lucy” (1964) by the Vince Guaraldi Trio for “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
17. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” (1987) by John Mellencamp
18. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” (2001) by Bruce Springsteen
19. “Jingle Bell Rock” (1957) by Bobby Helms
20. “Oi to the World” (1997) by No Doubt

2009:

1. “Happy Holidays/It’s the Holiday Season (Medley)” (1953) by Andy Williams
2. “Believe” (2004) by Josh Groban from the soundtrack of “The Polar Express”
3. “(There’s No Place Like) Home for the Holidays” (1959) by Perry Como
4. “Sleigh Ride” (1959) by Leroy Anderson
5. “Somewhere in My Memory” (1990) vocal version by John Williams from the “Home Alone” soundtrack
6. “Carol of the Bells” (1990) by John Williams from the “Home Alone” soundtrack
7. “Jingle Bells” (1943) by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters
8. “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” (2006) by Sarah McLachlan
9. “Christmas Is Coming” (1965) by the Vince Guaraldi Trio from “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
10. “O Tannenbaum” (1965) by the Vince Guaraldi Trio from “A Charlie Brown Christmas”

2011:

1. “Winter Wonderland” (1963) by Darlene Love
2. “Jingle Bells” (1946) by Frank Sinatra
3. “Ring Christmas Bells” (1962) by Ray Conniff
4. “Christmas Wrapping” (1981) by The Waitresses
5. “Mary’s Boy/Oh My Lord” (1981) by Boney M.
6. “Happy Xmas” (1998) by Celine Dion
7. “Carol of the Bells” (2008) by August Burns Red
8. “Last Christmas” (2010) by the cast of “Glee”
9. “Hey Santa” (2008) by Carnie and Wendy Wilson
10. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” (2011) by Michael Buble

Naughty and nice Christmas lists

Merry Christmas, everybody!
In honor of the holiday, here are some neat pop culture lists I’ve curated. Enjoy!

15 Funniest Christmas Movies of All Time (Huffington Post; Dec. 6, 2011)

I haven’t seen all of them, but “The Ref” and “Bad Santa” were so terrible I couldn’t finish them. I definitely agree with “A Christmas Story,” “Scrooged” and “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” though.

The 15 Best Christmas Movies of All Time (CollegeHumor; Dec. 11, 2011)

20 Top Christmas Movies Ever (Entertainment Weekly; Dec. 15, 2010)

The Best Family Christmas Movies (Huffington Post; Dec. 24, 2010)

10 Holiday Songs You’ll Hate By Christmas (TheStreet.com; Nov. 16, 2010)

15 Christmas Songs Too Annoying For Words (Huffington Post; Dec. 9, 2011)

30 Years of Elf Handiwork - The Most Popular Holiday Toys since 1981 (UltimateCoupons.com; Dec. 20, 2011)

Top 30 Funniest Christmas Porn Movie Titles (Tech-media-tainment; Dec. 7, 2010)

Photo: Santa gets his wish this Christmas. From a photo shoot featuring Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison. See lots more photos from the shoot at The Superficial.

Michael Buble rules the Christmas music airwaves this year

This holiday season, Michael Buble is dominating the radio airwaves with tracks from his new Christmas album, including “Jingle Bells,” “All I Want For Christmas Is You” and “Holly Jolly Christmas.”
Buble’s album “Christmas” has been the No. 1 album for four weeks straight, according to Billboard. It’s already the year’s third best-selling album, behind Adele’s “21” and Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way,” the New York Times says.
The Canadian crooner also scored with a hit Christmas television special on NBC and was a recent musical guest on “Saturday Night Live.”

Here are my top 10 Christmas songs for 2011:

1. “Winter Wonderland” (1963) by Darlene Love
2. “Jingle Bells” (1946) by Frank Sinatra
3. “Ring Christmas Bells” (1962) by Ray Conniff
4. “Christmas Wrapping” (1981) by The Waitresses
5. “Mary’s Boy/Oh My Lord” (1981) by Boney M.
6. “Happy Xmas” (1998) by Celine Dion
7. “Carol of the Bells” (2008) by August Burns Red
8. “Last Christmas” (2010) by the cast of “Glee”
9. “Hey Santa” (2008) by Carnie and Wendy Wilson
10. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” (2011) by Michael Buble

How artists and the public benefit from creative works in the public domain

Copyrights were never meant to last forever. But the U.S. government has bent to the will of powerful media lobbyists time and time again to prolong them.
Works coming off copyright provide an opportunity for new artists to reinterpret and improve upon them. Popular works in the public domain have a built-in audience of people interested in seeing new interpretations of familiar stories, music and artwork.
Walt Disney built his media empire by refashioning fairy tales in the public domain as full-length animated movies.
Once in the public domain, artists are free to reimagine works as they see fit without having to get permission from the original creator, their heirs or rights holders. Artists can turn classic stories upside-down with surprising results. They can add contemporary themes or give them life in a new medium.
I’ve touched on this topic in a few times before.

Example 1: Modern artists turning classic fairy tales like Beauty and the Beast and Sleeping Beauty into R-rated entertainment for adults.
Comic book illustrator J. Scott Campbell gave some of these stories a sexy spin by turning the heroines into gorgeous vixens. (See above sample and earlier post.)
Artist Jeffrey Thomas gave stories like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Pocahontas a dark spin. He reimagined these stories as horror tales full of sinister and gruesome elements. (See earlier post.)

Example 2: Old Christmas songs in the public domain can be given new life by musicians and singers.
Consider “God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings” (2004) by the Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan or “Christmas Canon” (1998) by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Both new versions are excellent. (See earlier post.)
Another favorite of mine is James Taylor’s 2004 rendition of “Deck the Halls.” He gives the carol a Renaissance fair flavor that brings it back to its roots. “Deck the Halls” is a Welsh tune dating back to the 16th century. (Check out the song on YouTube.)

Recent examples of older works getting new life are everywhere.
Now playing in movie theaters is “Disney’s A Christmas Carol,” based on “A Christmas Carol” (1843) by Charles Dickens. The film’s director, Robert Zemeckis, previously directed “Beowulf” (2007), based on the Old English heroic epic poem, which dates back to at least the early 11th century. Both stories are in the public domain, so anyone can make a movie, play, comic book, painting or other work of art based on them.
The hit Broadway musical “Wicked” (2003) and the book it’s based on are derived from “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” (1900) by L. Frank Baum. Author Gregory Maguire took the public domain book and created a back-story in “Wicked” about the witches of Oz. By doing so, he made some interesting statements about beauty and female relationships.

The benefits of creative works entering the public domain are many.
The public benefits by being exposed to works that otherwise may have been forgotten. The culture benefits from reexamining creative works from different angles to reveal hidden truths.
These things likely wouldn’t happen if artists had to secure the necessary approvals and pay fees and royalties to rights holders for their use.
The public also benefits by not having to expend taxpayer dollars to protect an ever expanding body of copyrighted works, largely held by big media companies.
Unfortunately the works in the public domain are those published before 1923. Everything after that is locked down by copyright extensions.
And the public suffers.

Artwork:
J. Scott Campbell’s sexy reinterpretation of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”;
Poster from the Broadway musical “Wicked”

I’ll cite other examples of new works based on art in the public domain in upcoming posts.

Top 10 Best Christmas Songs for 2009

We’ve been listening to Christmas music in our house and in the car pretty much every day this month.
We’re listening mostly to WALK 97.5 FM out of Long Island, N.Y., as well as some favorite CDs. Last year, when we lived in Chicago, we listened to WLIT 93.9 FM.
A big difference between the two radio stations is that WALK plays “A New York Christmas” (2003) by Rob Thomas and the Chicago station wouldn’t dare.
Anyway, here is my list of the top 10 best Christmas songs for 2009. Half of the tunes are from movies or TV shows.
I decided not to pick any songs I selected for last year’s top 20 best Christmas songs list, all of which I still love. So the 2009 list is all new.

1. “Happy Holidays/It’s the Holiday Season (Medley)” (1953) by Andy Williams
2. “Believe” (2004) by Josh Groban from the soundtrack of “The Polar Express”
3. “(There’s No Place Like) Home for the Holidays” (1959) by Perry Como
4. “Sleigh Ride” (1959) by Leroy Anderson
5. “Somewhere in My Memory” (1990) vocal version by John Williams from the “Home Alone” soundtrack
6. “Carol of the Bells” (1990) by John Williams from the “Home Alone” soundtrack
7. “Jingle Bells” (1943) by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters
8. “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” (2006) by Sarah McLachlan
9. “Christmas Is Coming” (1965) by the Vince Guaraldi Trio from “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
10. “O Tannenbaum” (1965) by the Vince Guaraldi Trio from “A Charlie Brown Christmas”

Top 10 worst Christmas songs of 2009

Tech-media-tainment published its first top 10 list of worst Christmas songs last year. This year, we focused more on songs getting repeated airplay.
The 2009 list includes several carryovers from last year.
Without further ado, here’s the 2009 list of Christmas music clunkers:

1. “The Christmas Shoes” (2000) by NewSong

Comedian Patton Oswalt does a great job ripping apart this sappy song. Check out a video of his routine on One Stop Video. I wrote about my dislike for the song last year on this blog.

2. “A Soldier’s Silent Night” (circa 2004) by Ted Berndt

This one topped my list last year. Check out my critique here.

3. “The Chimney Song” (1990) by Bob Rivers

I like a twisted joke as much as anyone. But a joke gets less funny every time you hear it. And this song, about Santa’s rotting corpse stuck up the chimney, gets played a lot (at least in the New York City metro area). Plus, it’s really gross if you think about it.

4. “Santa Baby” (1987) by Madonna

Madonna is as good at Christmas songs as she is an actress. This is a repeat from last year.

5. “Same Old Lang Syne” (1981) by Dan Fogelberg

Aside from a brief mention of Christmas Eve, this really isn’t a Christmas song. It’s a slightly sleazy song about a musician meeting a former lover in the grocery store. She’s married now, but she drinks beer with him in a car and they share stories about the old times on Christmas Eve.
The late Fogelberg based the song on a true incident in his life. (Read the account on Wikipedia.)

6. “Frosty the Snowman” (1964) by the Beach Boys

Another encore from last year’s list. Their version of “Frosty the Snowman” is wretched. It sounds like the group is racing through the song to get it over with. Plus, the production tries to jazz up the clunky tune with horn flourishes. Just awful.
The Beach Boys are responsible for another Christmas turkey in “Little Saint Nick.”

7. “White Christmas” (1999) by Elton John

Sir Elton dropped a stinker with this one. First, the song doesn’t fit him well. Second, the track is overproduced to make it bigger, when it shouldn’t be. Yuck.

8. “Love on Layaway” (2000) by Gloria Estefan

I like Estefan. Her albums “Cuts Both Ways” and “Abriendo Puertas” are excellent. But she’s responsible for some terrible Christmas songs – this one and “Christmas Through Your Eyes.” Her otherwise pleasant voice is irritating in these numbers.

9. “Silent Night” (1987) by Stevie Nicks

If I’ve learned anything from watching “American Idol,” it’s that song choice is extremely important for a singer.
I’m a big fan of Stevie Nicks, both her solo work and career with Fleetwood Mac. But she sounds awful here – like a wounded goat.
The addition of Kenny G on saxophone adds insult to injury.

10. “Christmas in Hollis” (1987) by Run-DMC

I put this annoying track in the novelty song category along with “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” (1979) by Elmo & Patsy and “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)” (1958) by Alvin and the Chipmunks.

My version of “The Christmas Shoes”

Sentimental songs that tell a story are an easy target for parody.
Whenever I hear “The Christmas Shoes” on the radio, I want to mock it. Maybe it’s my twisted outlook on life. but I can’t take a sappy song like that at face value.
My wife, on the other hand, says the song about a boy buying shoes for his dying mother almost brings her to tears.
One problem with story songs is they can be criticized for poor storytelling. They can’t have any plot holes or logic problems.
In the case of “The Christmas Shoes,” the young boy has gone to the store without any adult supervision. He’s also left his mother on her deathbed to buy her a pair of shoes.
The song is told from the perspective of a shopper waiting at the checkout counter behind the boy. The narrator ends up buying the shoes for the boy after the kid tells his sob story about how he wants his mom to look pretty in case she “meets Jesus tonight.”
Sometimes I find myself singing lines from the song out loud at home or in the car and making up my own lyrics.
In one version, he’s an Iraqi boy trying to buy a pair of shoes to throw at President George W. Bush. Based on a true story!
In another, he’s the Artful Dodger conning some dumb mark into buying him a pair of designer shoes by Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo. Of course, the boy will return them in short order for a big payday.
Both are more entertaining than the original performed by Christian music group NewSong in 2000.

The Little Bucket Boys, a Christmas classic

My wife was putting our 5-year-old son to bed last night when the conversation turned to the Christmas song “The Little Drummer Boy.”
“If he’s so poor, how can he afford a drum?” little Christopher asked.
“I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t really a drum, but a bucket,” my wife replied.
“Oh, like the Bucket Boys,” Christopher responded.
They both had a good laugh over that one.
The Bucket Boys are a talented group of young men who drum on 5-gallon plastic pickle buckets to entertain the crowds at Chicago Bulls games. They’ve been performing for the Bulls since 2002.
A representative of the Bulls’ front office discovered the teens playing for tips on a sidewalk in the city’s Magnificent Mile shopping district. Amazed by their energy, synchronization and percussive skills, he signed them up to play during home games.
The Bucket Boys were an instant hit and have since made appearances in a KFC television ad, a spot with Hank Williams Jr. on his “Are You Ready For Some Football?!” intro to ABC’s Monday Night Football, and a shared halftime performance bill for the 2004 NBA All-Star Game with OutKast, Christina Aguilera and Beyonce.
I’ve always thought the notion of a little boy banging on his drum as a gift for the baby Jesus was a little silly. The song’s heart is in the right place, but come on, does anyone really think some rat-a-tat-tat noise is what a newborn and his parents are looking for? Please.
Now can you imagine the Bucket Boys raising the volume at the manger scene? Yeah, the three wise men might be into that. But Mary and Joseph, not so much.

("Little Drummer Boy" artwork by Publications International Ltd.)

Top 10 worst Christmas songs

Here’s the flipside to my recent list of the top 20 best Christmas songs: the 10 worst. I could’ve done 20, but thought I’d concentrate on the biggest stinkers.

1. “A Soldier’s Silent Night” (circa 2004) by Ted Berndt


2. “Santa Baby” (1987) by Madonna


3. “Frosty the Snowman” (1964) by the Beach Boys


4. “Little Saint Nick” (1964) by the Beach Boys


5. “Feliz Navidad” (1970) by Jose Feliciano


6. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” (1944), recorded by various artists


7. “Christmas in Hollis” (1987) by Run-DMC


8. “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” (1979) by Elmo & Patsy


9. “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)” (1958) by Alvin and the Chipmunks


10. “Dominick the Donkey” (1960) by Lou Monte

I can’t argue with the sentiment behind “A Soldier’s Silent Night” by Ted Berndt, but it’s stagey, heavy-handed and interminable. I switch radio stations every time this comes on. Father Berndt sounds like a great man (proud Marine and WWII Purple Heart recipient), but I can’t listen to his recording of a soldier’s poem in heavy rotation over the radio. You can read more about the story behind the recording at soldiersilentnight.com.
The cloying narration reminds me too much of Mason Adams from the old Smucker’s jams TV commercials or worse yet, Garrison Keillor.
Madonna does some things very well – electronic dance music, for example. But she’s one of the worst actresses to get work in the modern age. Her performance of “Santa Baby” is an extension of her lousy acting. She’s playing a character, some kind of spoiled young lady who would exist only in an old movie. Picture a gangster’s moll who works as a stripper, cracks her gum and is dumb as a box of rocks, but sexy hot. Suffice it to say that her rendition of “Santa Baby” is fingernails-on-blackboard grating.
The Beach Boys are responsible for two clinkers from their 1964 Christmas album.
Their version of “Frosty the Snowman” is just plain awful. They try to jazz up the clunky tune with horn flourishes. That’s like spraying Febreze on a skunk.
“Little Saint Nick” is just a lazy reworking of the group’s 1963 hit “Little Deuce Coupe.”
Jose Feliciano’s “Feliz Navidad” is a catchy little diddy, but it’s advertising-jingle deep. It’s just four lines of 20 words repeated over and over and over again.
I put “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” on the list because the conversational duet between a man and a woman gets annoying after repeated listenings. I also like to make the argument, in jest, that the song condones date rape.
The female voice in the song is called “The Mouse” and the male “The Wolf,” according to Wikipedia, the collaborative online encyclopedia. Wikipedia cites Susan Loesser’s “A Most Remarkable Fella: Frank Loesser and the Guys and Dolls in His Life; A Portrait by His Daughter,” a book about the song’s writer.
The lyrics consist of the man attempting to convince the woman to stay with him at the end of a date. He plies her with alcohol. “Well, maybe just a half a drink more,” she sings twice.
At another point, she sings, “Say, what’s in this drink?”
Today the answer might be GHB.

My top 20 favorite Christmas songs

It’s a truism in print media that readers love lists.
So, in honor of Christmas, here are my top 20 favorite holiday songs this year:

1. “God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings” (2004) by the Barenaked Ladies, featuring Sarah McLachlan


2. “Christmas Canon” (1998) by Trans-Siberian Orchestra


3. “2000 Miles” (1983) by The Pretenders


4. “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” (1958) by Brenda Lee


5. “A Holly Jolly Christmas” (1962) by Burl Ives


6. “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” (1943) by Bing Crosby


7. “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (1944) by Judy Garland


8. “White Christmas” (1947) by Bing Crosby


9. “Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas)” (1950) by Bing Crosby & the Andrews Sisters


10. “Christmas in Killarney” (1951) by Bing Crosby


11. “Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy” (1977) by Bing Crosby & David Bowie


12. “Last Christmas” (1984) by Wham!


13. “All I Want for Christmas Is You” (1994) by Mariah Carey


14. “Our Love Is Like a Holiday” (2001) by Michael Bolton


15. “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” (1987) by U2


16. “Linus & Lucy” (1964) by the Vince Guaraldi Trio for “A Charlie Brown Christmas”


17. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” (1987) by John Mellencamp


18. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” (2001) by Bruce Springsteen


19. “Jingle Bell Rock” (1957) by Bobby Helms


20. “Oi to the World” (1997) by No Doubt

Some thoughts about this mix of picks:
“God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings” by the Barenaked Ladies and “Christmas Canon” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra are great examples of how songs in the public domain can be reinvented by other artists to great effect. The public can benefit tremendously when works go off copyright and talented artists are free to experiment with them.
“God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen” is an 1827 English traditional song. “We Three Kings” was written by John H. Hopkins Jr. in 1857. “Christmas Canon” is based on Johann Pachelbel’s “Canon in D Major,” written in or around 1680 in Germany.
Not all Christmas songs are cheery and uplifting. Two of my favorites are melancholy: “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”
Also, don’t look down on me for having Wham! and Michael Bolton on this list. Those songs are catchy.

Mommy kissing Santa? No problem. Just keep the gifts coming

The Christmas song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” presents an interesting ethical dilemma for children.
If the kid singing the song really thinks he saw his mommy kissing Santa, he’s willing to overlook it and not tell his father about the infidelity, apparently so long as he gets some gifts on Christmas morning.
Purists would say it’s a cute song, because little Johnny doesn’t realize that it’s actually his daddy in a Santa suit. And it’s just some innocent kissing, they’d say. After all, the lyrics aren’t: “I saw Mommy Frenching Santa Claus” or “shagging Santa Claus.”
But that’s not the point. The point is this kid doesn’t seem to mind that some other man is kissing his mommy. Yeah, I’m sure it would have been a “laugh” if Daddy had walked in on the two of them, as the lyrics go.
The 1952 song has been covered by many artists over the years (Paul Anka, John Mellencamp, Jessica Simpson and Twisted Sister, to name a few), but only one appears to have had the moral fortitude to do what was right. That performer was Michael Jackson. Singing with the Jackson 5, Jackson tells his brothers, “I did! I really did see Mommy kissing Santa Claus. And I’m gonna tell my dad.”
Way to do what’s right, Michael.

It's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas

Adult contemporary music station WLIT-FM 93.3 in Chicago showed some restraint.

It switched over to its annual 24-hour Christmas music format today (Friday Nov. 14). Last year, it became the Holiday Lite on Nov. 2. That's right, just two days after Halloween.

Given the sorry state of the economy and retail sales, I'm surprised they didn't do it sooner. Hopefully this will help put consumers in a mood to buy.

Personally I like the all-Christmas-music format. I've got my favorites including "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and "A Holly Jolly Christmas," both written by Johnny Marks, and Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You."

Does that music put me in a buying mood? We'll see.