Tech-media-tainment published its first top 10 list of worst Christmas songs last year. This year, we focused more on songs getting repeated airplay.
The 2009 list includes several carryovers from last year.
Without further ado, here’s the 2009 list of Christmas music clunkers:
1. “The Christmas Shoes” (2000) by NewSong
Comedian Patton Oswalt does a great job ripping apart this sappy song. Check out a video of his routine on One Stop Video. I wrote about my dislike for the song last year on this blog.
2. “A Soldier’s Silent Night” (circa 2004) by Ted Berndt
This one topped my list last year. Check out my critique here.
3. “The Chimney Song” (1990) by Bob Rivers
I like a twisted joke as much as anyone. But a joke gets less funny every time you hear it. And this song, about Santa’s rotting corpse stuck up the chimney, gets played a lot (at least in the New York City metro area). Plus, it’s really gross if you think about it.
4. “Santa Baby” (1987) by Madonna
Madonna is as good at Christmas songs as she is an actress. This is a repeat from last year.
5. “Same Old Lang Syne” (1981) by Dan Fogelberg
Aside from a brief mention of Christmas Eve, this really isn’t a Christmas song. It’s a slightly sleazy song about a musician meeting a former lover in the grocery store. She’s married now, but she drinks beer with him in a car and they share stories about the old times on Christmas Eve.
The late Fogelberg based the song on a true incident in his life. (Read the account on Wikipedia.)
6. “Frosty the Snowman” (1964) by the Beach Boys
Another encore from last year’s list. Their version of “Frosty the Snowman” is wretched. It sounds like the group is racing through the song to get it over with. Plus, the production tries to jazz up the clunky tune with horn flourishes. Just awful.
The Beach Boys are responsible for another Christmas turkey in “Little Saint Nick.”
7. “White Christmas” (1999) by Elton John
Sir Elton dropped a stinker with this one. First, the song doesn’t fit him well. Second, the track is overproduced to make it bigger, when it shouldn’t be. Yuck.
8. “Love on Layaway” (2000) by Gloria Estefan
I like Estefan. Her albums “Cuts Both Ways” and “Abriendo Puertas” are excellent. But she’s responsible for some terrible Christmas songs – this one and “Christmas Through Your Eyes.” Her otherwise pleasant voice is irritating in these numbers.
9. “Silent Night” (1987) by Stevie Nicks
If I’ve learned anything from watching “American Idol,” it’s that song choice is extremely important for a singer.
I’m a big fan of Stevie Nicks, both her solo work and career with Fleetwood Mac. But she sounds awful here – like a wounded goat.
The addition of Kenny G on saxophone adds insult to injury.
10. “Christmas in Hollis” (1987) by Run-DMC
I put this annoying track in the novelty song category along with “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” (1979) by Elmo & Patsy and “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)” (1958) by Alvin and the Chipmunks.